moving in with mom after dad died moving in with mom after dad died

Blaming your father or his girlfriend or anyone else who you feel has caused your sadness will not help you find happiness. Those of you who are kind will try to understand ,those of you who are are busy causing untold family damage and rifts will argue that you have the right to do what you like. My dad has been acting differant since they started dating too hes been drinking more, ect. They talk on the phone often and I believe he gave her a really nice Christmas gift! He has appeared on the "Grieving The Healing Heart" radio program and is published in the 2011 books, "Open To Hope, Inspirational Stories of Healing After Loss," "Grieving the Sudden Death of a Loved One" (2012, DVD), and Grief Diaries - Through the Eyes of Men (2016, book). I do want to say a couple things, though: First off, both you and your mother (and your sister) might want to consider finding a good grief counselor soon. Im in such a state. What about me?. I realize that I still am not ready to accept this & quite honestly dont think I ever will because I dont have to accept her into my life & I really dont want to. I only wish that they and others would stop confusing the love and devotion I had for my wife and have to her memory with moving forward and living life. You dont state his age but he may face old age alone. I have not felt more alive than when I stepped outside of mycomfort zone to do things I wouldn't have normally done. After I started working at YouTube, Dad loved sending me his favorite live versions of songs he found on the platform. She could care less. I have to tell you that although Britain is a first world country there are many people who see the U.S as a golden ticket. my parents were married for 42 years. She and my father were married for 45 years and were, by all accounts, and amazing couple. Give her an official 30 day eviction notice and stand by it. My sister had to do that to our mother. That lady lived in my sisters second home, bu Even if she said she was she would probably change her mind. Another website I just left everyone was telling me to grow up, stop being selfish and thats her personnel affair. 1) mom was gone NTA. So in my moms house, surrounded by her beautiful knick-knacks, is this woman with no job, no prospects (she seems a little brain damaged), and no sign of getting better. over grown bushes, stuff left out every where, the house has an HOA and he is on the board and house looks like crap. He didnt tell me anything that he was doing or who he was with. She was my best friend and i miss her everyday. Dad had a couple girlfriends.that we liked. My mother died suddenly in November 2014. And while I understand my mothers death has taken a toll on us all, I dont feel that my dad gave himself adequate time to grieve and as a result is acting in a very selfish manner. #fyp #viral #chiaraactress This has been going on for almost 2 yrs. On this point I beg to differ. By letting go, you are taking control of your life rather than letting your emotions control you. My sister and I took my father to hospital yesterday for eye check ups and tests and we were there about 7 hours not including travelling. My Mom and Dad befriended a lot of people in the neighborhood and attending every event and were really enjoying it. I could relate and it completely sucks. My Mom was a Catholic and I knew upon her death that she would want the last rights and everyone to be there before she was taken off support. I remind myself daily that he doesnt want to be alone and that he is insecure. I was so furious and from the moment Ive met her I have completely resented her and my dad. Ive tried reminding him that while our mom was still alive, it was normal and non-threatening for us each to have our separate relationships with our mom and with our dad, and then the combined relationship with all. As much as I understand all this, I still find it so incredibly difficult to accept him dating. I know it hasn't been a ton of time yet and obviously we are still going through the stages of grief, but I don't want my mom to just be completely miserable. He doesnt acknowledge or appreciate any of the things that we do to try to make his wife feel accepted by us, he just dwells on what we dont do. One week THIS was what she was going to do, the next week THAT. Ironically, I spent the entire week with many of my wifes nephews and relatives in a camper and tents. After my fathers burial service, friends and family held a brunch where everyone went around the table and shared a lively anecdote. Again, the problem is that it happened too soon no time for him to grieve properly or me. There is nothing as strong and pure as a mothers love for her children so take that thought and live the kind of life in your moms name that would reflect that truth. This can feel like being in a state of shock or confusion surrounding the death of a parent. We are all in our mid-twenties to early thirties, and I feel that we are mature enough to hear him out, if only he would talk to us about it. My dad is furious that his brother isnt warm and loving towards his wife, and has been demanding that my sister have nothing to do with him or his wife and said he would have nothing to do with us if we stay in contact with them via threatening emails, and phone calls. She said that she has insecurities. It felt so good to get on this website and read that so many other people are experience the same things that I am. Our only choice would have been to cut our losses. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were minors, fast forward to mid 2022, I had a baby, & my husband & I were looking into moving out. He wanted to come here with her and I said no. I got to my parents house, and noticed that a cupboard that was under the stairs that my dad hadnt cleaned out in 43 years of being married, nor had he looked in , in that same amount of time -was completely empty. Spend lots of time with her. Dealing with the same situation , except I have known this lady for many many years, and did not now like her do to some things she did to me, and that she is sneaky, manipulative, and nasty. She has a man who does not call, care or as my mother begged him, wrote him and told him, when I die, please take care of our girls. Does she have good credit, or credit in general? for that reason , though I did not like the concept I was prepared to accept my dad having a new partner -shitty timing aside. Im not sure what to say to him or how to react to all of this. He had changed his will so Stepmother #2 can live in his house as long as she chooses to do so. That i dont respect that she doesnt like the shampoo i buy her or the hand soap. Fabulous job. Well guys, I made it through Christmas and now into the New Year and hope you were able to cope with your Dads during the holidays. Speaking of clothes, she has over 28 bathing suits that she has made. My wife was taken away from me well before February of this year. What did he do around the house? It's okay to be heartbroken; you won't lose that deep connection with him. Im fine with my daddy being happy, but IM HIS DAUGHTER, his wifes child, his first child. Ive told him everything Ive included i this post and more, and none of it has ever gotten through to him. Now going shopping together, shes visiting alot, furniture shopping, he wants to buy her a necklace and tell her not to tell the other sister where it came from. My brother was okay with it, my sister was as well(but now she is not) He sold them took the money. The hole in my heart was huge. My Dad and I have never been close but Mom wanted us to mend the rift and after her death I stayed with Dad and helped with as much as I could before going back to my family. At the time my Dad was vulnerable, miserable and lonely. The woman I married and loved did not even resemble the women who died after nearly five years of illness. While you want your father to find happiness and companionship, it also feels threatening to the memory of your mother, and an intrusion to your family unit as it was. I dont think its unreasonable to need space. I told him the only person we would love that way is our mother. Bachelor and constantly discuss these women he is talking to, showing us their pictures they have sent him on his smart phone, and even dropping vague hints that he has met up with some of them while traveling for work. When someone dies, especially a mother, the significant other isnt the only one to suffer a loss, it involves the entire family. I choose instead to honour my moms memory because she was a loving and gentle woman who he adored and loved. More than anything else, you can simply be there for her. And the whole time he was here, he was watching the clock and couldnt wait to leave to get back to her. We would never do anything to upset the awesome family lives that we worked so hard to create. This is my real dad. My dad said they were just cleaning, but they werent doing his office stuff, the kitchen counters and other spaces less tied to my mom. There is a 4 year age difference between them as we lost 2 babies due to miscarriage. I find it completely disrespectful and so demeaning to my moms memory. I thought he was a grown adult. Grieving is not something you should ever do alone. X. I gave them space and just pleasent with her thats it. Who is a wonderful and caring person. I would feel more comfortable with him dating, even if he set up a local profile on eharmony to meet for a date within the large cities he lives by. Hes always been eccentric. This can open new lines of communication and reduce the threat you feel that she is somehow replacing your mother. NTA Go and live your best life. Thank you for being so honest in your comments. It's nice you and her were able to mutually benefit with you living there but now that you're ready to it's awesome! Ask her what paperwork/admin you can help her with. I didnt mean for this post to get so long theres a lot Im not even saying.. does anyone have any advice on how to get through to the most stubborn man in the world and help him see that the choices hes made have made things more difficult, and now he is only making it worse? I dont want to be the cause of them breaking up but he should respect my Mom, me, my brother and his grandkids more. My mother passed away from cancer in 2007. Her dad I have know from teen yearswe were an item, and still have the same attraction we did then. The year my dad was alone was the saddest Ive ever known- my sister and I took turns visiting him every weekend with our children, and called him every day. Mom is likely scared to apply for work after all those years. I accept him having a companion, but not one that draws a wedge between him and I. I dont think Ill ever be able to except her. Its a relief to be able to explain myself to a group of people who might understand. We took a week to plan for the funeral, etc. You, as an adult, are providing for YOUR own child, and do not have to support her. Second verse, same as the first. I make a great effort to make her feel welcomed, to make conversation with her when I call the house, etc., but it frustrates me that he refuses to see that if he would stop pushing us to have a relationship with her, our relationship with her would actually improve. In doing so, its damaged our relationship a little, but I love him and do not want him to be unhappy. You must decide yourself. We knew he was spending time with a woman a month after Moms passing, but managed to come to terms with that somehow. I felt, and still feel, as though I am left in charge of making sure he's okay. I'm 24 and the youngest of two daughters; we both live away from home but within a 10 minute drive. I signed up for bike rides and rode any chance I got. My dad has changed with the way he is with me too. John Pete is a spiritual writer, founder of Daily Grief Quotes on Facebook, and was a Certified Grief Counselor for over 10-years . After her funeral he was really short and didnt want to stay in town. Mum died at 56 and would be 90 if she had lived.I have lived with this situation for so many years. My parents had been married 50 yrs. I attemped suicide several times, and quit caring anout myself. Then instead of her telling me how she feels, she complains to my Dad, and I get yelled at. Then I just found out after only 4 weeks of dating he went and bought a new queen bed for her so she could sleep comforable with my dad. She just needs a little help with the deposit and setting up furniture, and then she'll be able to take over cleaning and dusting on a daily basis without you. I have been excluded from dinners and gatherings and it feels terrible. HEAD OVER HEELS in love, even now. We both were happily married for more than 25 years and the unexpected happened to us. Shame on you to the end of time. Im so pleased I found this site as I thought I was alone in what Im feeling! I think it is true to say,from my experience, that when loss is handled with gross insensitivity the impact of that causes a person not to trust the perpetrator again. Its not report and elsewhere. From what Ive been told, she has been after my father for quite some time. Of course not. I lost my dad who had a great relationship with me for 50+ years.. My kids had a great grandpa for 15+ years. Im not dating her. I know that there is a sense of family loss when your father or mother enter a friendship or more serious relationship with someone else. I dont know what to do. SHE IS NOT MY FAMILY. Add to this that she and my dad (who had been seeing each other) over the course of a couple of months and broke us, got back together, broke up, got back together. Hi, so glad I found this siteIm a grown adult or like to think Iam!! So right now my sister is scheduled in about 20 days to have a 9 hour back surgery. However, my grief is still fresh and often debilitating. When I arrived she was there crying incessantly like a long suffering wife. So I would be at the hospital Day and night, until my Dad and I took shifts. His main focus is just Money. Her. To make matters worse, they were even intimate within the 30 days following my moms passing. My mom started dating someone just after Christmas and it came as a shock to me because within the weeks prior to Christmas she stated that she wasnt ready to date anyone yet. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. I told her how much that upset us. We are fine with him being with her, but cant handle her visiting in my mother-in-laws home sitting in her chair. Things will never be the same that they used to be, fear of the unknown, change. You do not wake up one day and say Oops Ive fallen in love. Its no good getting mad at the shark because it attacks you. My husband says this is normal for him and says that he is ok with it. I wouldnt have even known, except I checked on the plan today to find it all for me to see.. She is also apparently data-greedy.and has used almost 2 gb of our shared 6 gb data in 10 days what the heck is she streaming? I began to date the Widower almost 1 1/2 years following her passing. When my Mum died there was no counselling and I just had to get on with it. Its really a nightmare. My mother passed away on October 30th, 2005, a week before my 17th birthday. She is a horrible stupid butt who my dad even called psycho the other day yet continues to torment me with putting her shit all around my mothers moms house who of course both are dead. My sister feels the relationship started way before we found out about it. Things that I feel need to stay in the family. I believe that I am a good, caring person who loves their father and only want the best for them, if they only will give me a chance. We all grieved in different ways, some of us still visibly grieving, six years later. I think the part that hurts the most is after I told him how I felt, he continued on to tell me that this woman will be staying, most likely past Thanksgiving. Know that there is someone in England who is thinking of you and hoping you find your way. John Pete is online at https://facebook.com/dailygriefquotes. My brother accepted this woman with open arms immediately. After the services concluded, I assumed that my role was to be a constant source of funa natural assumption for a 13-year-old. I dont want my dad to be sad or lonely, but his wife of 54 years, the love of his youth is gone. I say that because too many people operate as though their actions and choices have nothing to do with their family. The time to have conversations like this is before anybody dies. I ran home with my friend several paces behind me to ask my father to help. True you may carry on regardless of their pain and there is no law which says you cannot but for this failure in good judgement there will be a penalty in the shock and lack of trust that will ensue. I also sent her thinking of you cards in the mail, knowing how she loves to send them to others herself. Now my father has started looking for a woman on matrimonial sites which I came to know when I sneaked into his phone. Tiffany. My mother passed away in May 2012 after a five-year battle with brain cancer. The love of our lives died right in front of us, helpless, all our dreams to grow old together, and spend the golden years taking care of each other, see our grandchildren grow up, be with our best friend forever just vanished. I dont blame him. They said if they were in that situation they wouldnt be selfish like me. Her and I were so close. They are still feeling that loss in various degrees. She had him stay with her for about a year because she was scared of losing control. And, she had others she could turn to for conversations that didn't involve which track we should dance to. We want a relationship with him, not with her, and he has tried to force it on us. We are who we are and we feel the way we feel. It was truly the hardest thing I ever had to do. Always remember, what you give out is what you get back! Obviously, a liver issue meant the cancer was in more than 1 organ by the time she knew. Has anyone been able to move on from the pain of their parents getting involved with someone else so soon? Yet when i met a half ago in the death of something she died in the death of a. Duane 'dog' chapman says he's dating again after your. Im upset he does not outwardly express that he misses my mom or feels sad that she died, for example, he forgot that the one year anniversary of her death was on that day and her birthday plus he doesnt say anything about how he misses her. If youre fortunate enough to be able to spend time with someone leading up to their death, you can try your best to have the hard conversations. The first person who extended his arms was my ex-boyfriend Nick, who had been there when my dad was first diagnosed seven years prior. My dad spends every waking minute with her when hes not working, and doesnt see me anymore and rushes me off the phone when I call him, and has almost completely quit calling me. Sometimes, grief hits you in weird moments, but thats when you might need to let yourself live in that sadness the most. When I tried to talk with him 4 weeks after my mom passed, he informed me that he is 73 yrs. It hurts, but we all must take a stand for what we truly believe is acceptable. Perhaps your father would do well to read some of these letters. You would also have to charge your sister rent for living in the house, and you would eventually have to divide the house and your parents' other assets equally among your siblings. How sad your letter makes me! I called my dad to check up on him. This woman is a widow, and was my fathers high school sweetheart, which makes it even harder for me to think that maybe they have harbored feelings for one another over the years. To those who are the new girlfriend or boyfriend- if you really care, give space and not pressure. My sister feels the same way and told our dad not to visit her with his girlfriend from Belarus. I guess I just have a hard time understanding him. The sooner the better. They have always fought and split all through the years vowing never to speak again. It sounds like this woman has him as my uncle would phrase it whipped. What these lonely old men dont seem to realize is that there is more to the situation than just their wants and needs. Morally, she is culpable for her indifference to my sufferings but he permitted her to behave the way she did and does. Reconciliation,would never be accompanied by any apology. On him or may be happy for grieving over and dating as caretaker but. Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. However I am pretty blessed that my mother never seem to mention any issue. I came to the hospital every single day without my dad for 2 weeks while she was in excruciating pain.