He always complains we dont ever do anything together but doesnt alleviate any of the chores from my shoulders so we can get done and have time together. Yes its 5 years !! Im 20 and so stressed about money Im genuinely going mental. 2. I feel I am being financially abused. So. Be strong. He hates the majority of my coworkers/friends and talks harshly about them. Answer (1 of 19): Not all but most if she is not working It would be unfair for you to arrive home after she was home all day and says you need to do the dishes, or laundry. I need someone to take some of this burden from me, without forcing me to go begging to my parents! But for those who are in this situation, understand that the advice to leave and kick him to the curb IS IN FACT the advice you need to follow. When they looked for job, they will say they are overqualified for a lot of work if they got good education.They may think an There are countless jobs out there were help is desperately needed, if this person truly were looking they would have found something/anything by now. I am so sorry to hear that. Its not about money. I hope by December 2016 her cancer is under control. This ish is crazy! I love him or else I wouldnt have been so patient. He found a part time job at a retail store in the meanwhile while the selection process continued. When i get the chance to see him its me or his dad paying for everything. I stress out each day that passes that he doesnt look for work. I am now in debt and had to take on a second job totalling 70hrs some weeks not including long travelling time to work. Ive been with my other half for almost two years. I doubt itll be the same thing, I swear. However,I I have been identified by my wife as the main contributor of stress in her life, something she cannot endure any longer. I never feel like I have a day off when I do have a day off because this person is just always here so Im forced to be the one who leaves if I want to get away from them. I really find it hard to believe too. She considered this ongoing encouragement as an essential responsibility not necessarily of being a spouse but of being a woman. I feel like an idiot, I am smart I swear, I just dont seem to know how to get out of this. I love my husband but Im beginning to resent him for this. My work can be quite stressful and I feel there is no reward which makes me unhappy. He cant wait for my paydays so that he can go shopping and buy beer. The Best Street Style From Paris Fashion Week. Ive been on disability for the past few months and its the only money i have. If I do the things that Im either good at or I like to do or I dislike less and my partner does the things that they are more interested in doing and dislike less, then the balance works much better.. Women in marriages or cohabitating relationships are still doing the majority of the household labor and child care. Ive been insulted and times he tells me that if I would have listened to him on specific ideas we would not be where we are. I will have to return to work very soon because Centrelink only gives me 18 weeks leave. To save yourself, you must be claimed down. I can not tell you how angry I was when I would get home from a long day at 7pm, knowing that he slept in, didnt clean the house, didnt do the washing, didnt mow the lawn, left his dirty dishes in the sink, didnt look for a job, didnt do the grocery shopping and then ask ME what I was cooking for dinner? Get over it and realise that what we need is your understanding. About 4 years ago she tried to enter another field which required money for school. I work full time, but I cant cover all the bills, so Im struggling to cover what I can. They will undoubtedly come up with a slew of . What kind of man doesnt work or look for work then asks his mom for funds??? The weekend at your parents house thats all squared away because she organized it and packed. Afterwards, he said he wanted to try medical coding. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Even when he had a job? Id have someone paying for half the cost of living rather than paying all the bills for two people (plus more if there are kids). I feel soo angry. i am newly married and just found out im pregnant for the first time in my life. In the past whenever I confronted my sister about her husbands unemployed situation, she always became defensive. Im in the same boat. When youre not married, youre free. Why??? That is very hard! We have been together over half my life as well as his. After so many examples here , you will find out that when a man become long term unemployed (say more then 3-6 months), they personality will change gradually. Had not even couraged to tell my parents and wife that I am without job these days. He doesnt cheat, is a gud father and all but guys im tired of being broke. I agree its because most employers cant afford to take a chance on someone who raises red flags and might as well have a question mark about their reliability-dependability and whether they would even be any good tattooed to their forehead. Were living on peanuts because the bills take up most of my pay, and my long battle with depression has flared up again, making life even harder to deal with. You can likely get financial aid too. This has lasted way longer than we ever anticipated that it would and quite frankly there are days where I just see no light at the end of the tunnel. You might even just tell him that: Ive been feeling resentful of how much housework falls to me, and I dont want to blame that on you. I can tell a long story of my life with him and everything we been through but it would be a book. EVERYTHING. I make enough to pay our bills and a little extra, but I still feel like I got a bad deal. He has always been my rock and helped me since he hasnt been able to find a good job since the restaurant closed down. This leads one to believe that my position is steady. I have to beg him to mow the lawn. I finally called it quits and told him to file. I dont want to work in the job Ive got but I know I cant leave as I have to pay the mortgage and all of the bills we have no savings as every time I get close to being able to put something aside an emergency crops up with our daughter who lives away at university and I have to fly out to her or pay for her flight back to us. A lot of times someone will get an interview and then get cut off at the knees where theyll need to cancel or reschedule and end up missing out on the job. I remember till few monyhs I have bought her every thing ehich she has liked. I really don't want to be a nag about this, but resentment is beginning to build. It feels too much on my shoulders when we arent married or engaged or even planning anything of the sort at the moment. When i caught them it became physical with me n the female causing him to end their affair. I am currently in a relationship that has been going since i was in the 10th grade. So, my husband booked two weeks straight off. No problem for me, I keep working. The pay was amazing, and finally I could stop worrying about money so much, and maybe even have a week off work (I havent had a break for over two years) 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Help your significant other comprehend that, 5. My kids also dont want his dinner gradually and just want a bowl of cereal. Have you considered going to a CODA meeting. I am beginning to regret marrying him and I dont know how long more I can put up with this.but I guess we dont have a choice but to just march on and hope for the best, (not in a bad way)but I am so happy to know I am not the only one.i feel so alone and so hurt and cry most of the time.when I met him we both were not working but was financially well off till reality hit with having our first child and I got my ass to work.Everyday Monday to Sunday just enough to buy nappies and 4 years into this he lays around at home watching tv and doing nothing.ill come home and he would want neer or when the lights are out he calls me to sort it out.he helps around with our son but honestly I feel like Im sucking into this deep depression having to take and the household.my family doesnt know as many occasions they warned me even his own mother wants me to leave him and Ive considered it so many times.just what will happen to my son as I work even nights to stay afloat at home.who will take care of himreally sad and lonely as I am writing this,his busy sleeping til I have to head to work. My whole problem is; he doesnt seem to think my feelings are warranted! He doesnt have a hard time finding jobs. *Sorry, there was a problem signing you up. He had a great job for 12 years and then the company moved. If you want your self happy, no matter how harsh the environment, you can. I am not married to him. It seems like they wanted me not to work so they could call me lazy unmotivated a leech on society and all sorts of other things. Not an email. I got to the point where I resent him and is opinion doesnt really matter to me anymore. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Throw his ass out tell him he had seven shots at keeping you and he purposely created the situation he is trying to train you for the next 25 years. Its sad and pathetic to me. I feel like its always important to evaluate the realities we have and ask ourselves fundamental questions about our situation. My husbands been unemployed and under-employed for the past three years on top of having medical concerns which have changed his personality dramatically. I was too nice in my divorce settlement and despite having fibromyalgia and rigid muscles, we had more or less an even split. I love him but all of this is kind of turning me off. I was content with what I had materially more so than hubby and friends but always trying to push myself. Hes mad cuz we havent jumped the broom to marriage yet. In short I had become comfortable but my husband was not happy that I was not pulling my weight. No kids but it seems that there is a hole in me because of that. He does get a very nice lifestyle and Im talking mansions and 90,000 cars provided by his family member who plays in the NFL. Over the years he has grabbed me here and there, always when drinking, usually it is more yelling and throwing things. He is actually very against taking it. She makes most of their income while he takes care of the kids, cooks, cleans house and does all the yard work. Same about the house he does just enough to stop me throwing him out. It was about a month or so when he contacted me, couldnt find a job and wanted to come back. I am employed in private sector where everyone works practically 2 FTEs and gets paid for one. Yes Ive become a b%tch too ..we have to share one car and life feels like its not worth living .. Indeed, even in the best of times, its great to develop your own side interests and interests. Im just glad im the worker and Im not him. Me and my brother are currently not speaking because he insists on mooching off of my parents/other people instead of earning an income of his own. You are not his mother, it is not your job to take care of him. The drive there and back, paying for parkingits an endless list of complaints that Ive had to listen to over the years, but he lived with his parents until halfway into our relationship, rent-free, and had EVERY opportunity to go to school, start a new career, etc. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. In what Greenstein (2000) described as Can u sell something uv never seen thats in Ghana which is another country that belongs to someone uv only talked to over the phone, to a guy sitting in US/UK/China or South Africa that is as flippin broke as u? I have also been seeing a therapist who tells me that I have to look after myself. How can they not put their ego aside to do the right thing for their family? No one will be able to do this for you. things. and hes on the PC trying to get money for the surveys online, or hes playing solitaire, or like he used to, be on Facebook talking to this female friend.He is just using me I feel like. At one point he was starting a business and I went to his therapist with him (thank God hed agreed to see one.) In fact if they really want to find a entry level job, they dont need to list their high education background to give the employer excuse to refuse them. Originally, the term was applied to workplace interactions, but its recently been used for housework and parenting tasks, too. I am SO sick of the boring dull house talk all the time. I tried to switch jobs. 3) Tell him how much he means to you and let him know that this experience will only bring your relationship closer together. Sit down with him and talk, and let him know that what he's feeling is okay. No shit. I met this guy last July. But the problem is, humans are not rational and they dont behave according to percentages. tony bloom starlizard. Grab Now! He keep saying what 1 want 1 will. But, the stress of the last 6 years has been getting to me. And he's like a girl. I didnt fight him as I had felt so grateful to him for helping me regain my health and having looked after me so much. He is not working and is depressed and moody and I am just sick of it. being alone with all that money to spend on your own needs would make you far happier than snuggling up to a leech every night. Ive been feeling suicidle lately. All this adds to my frustration because I definitly feel like its necessary for me to find work and I cant do a damn thing about it. I am worried that I soon wont be able to pay the internet bill. If your partner is out pounding the pavement actively seeking work that they are qualified-more than qualified to do and not finding it the problem may not entirely be on them. Thank you for your post its still relevent! Then if after all this, he STILL WONT GET A JOBYOU MUST LEAVE THIS MAN CHILD. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. My employer was gracious enough to allow me to work from home, and already had business in the state I moved to, plus the nature of my job is such that working on line is efficient for them, so they allowed me to move and still work. So here it is girls. It wouldve come with a hefty raise and health insurance but the stress of having to work longer hours and then come home to a dirty house, help with homework, and taking care of him got to me and I had to step down during the probationary period. I only wish I had met one of you terrific strong women. Im in the opposite situation. Everyday she went to work in the morning, took off by lunchtime, went to the hospital, received her daily dose of radiotherapy, went home, slept it off at home in the afternoon. I wish my situation was that easy. Trying to make you feel bad before you have enough time to think about that statement. Its enough to pay the minimum on our bills and thats it. i think so, as an sahm i expect to do all the housework. I cannot believe that with almost 5 years of retail experience, I cannot find at least one place during the holiday season?! A good one. This is known as specializing, explains Ogolsky. The 14 years prior were normal 9-5 for both of us (well it was actually it was more 8-6, but you get the point). He does not have any vices, and is very frugal. He had 2 jobs last week, none this week, 1 next week. called police 14 times plus moved again, only to have one last guy that was the strongest of them all. Its been 5 months and I have applied to everything! MY DH does some housework but very very slowly so he thinks he does a lot. Even some of his debt is in my name. Anyhow, I am SOO frustrated with the sight of him sitting ALL day on that computer I feel like I am married to a fixture in this house. And all this is hidden from his family who cares for him deeply. You deserve it. Get Extreme: Go On Strike. Its a clear case of people who are unemployed by choice taking advantage of partners who are not going to leave them-kick them out in spite of the fact they are completely fed up with them or so they say. My husband lost his job 2 years ago after his heart operation.Then his health recover after few month. Yes it is easy to move on by moving out. Some of these posts are a yr or two old so i dont know if anyone will read this. Parties with Guerlain, Margiela, and more. Try reaching out to a legal or finance recruiter and see if they can place you in an entry-level position. The only real difference with them not being here is I wouldnt have to constantly see them lounging around and doing nothing.. He refuses to go.) He is looking for work- no luck so far. I love him and want the best for us but how can you motivate a man to do more? He has friends he has other girl friends let him go home to mom or? he always has an excuse, I cant apply from my phone, I need to wait to talk to my supervisor to get a reference, I am anxious cause I really wanted the last job and failed at it I have always been the follow youre dreams we will make it work girlfriend, especially cause Im studying to be a lawyer and he was suppose to carry us till I graduated. Where am I going with this? But I feel as you all do. He doesn't respond well to this. I was once a successful businesswoman and hopefully will be again but right now I really need help and my husband needs to step up to the plate. My salary will barely cover expenses. He gets mean, depressed, and sometimes seem to have no ambition. I pay for everything mortgage, car, bills and he doesnt want to claim for benefits because he does not want to stoop that low I though of leaving him or going the easy way of committing suicide. I guess what I am now contemplating is situational issues vs. character issues and I dont have my answer yet. My husband got sick- turned out to be appendicitis, but it took the docs a year to figure it out. I had no idea when we gor married that anythign like that was even possible, but I love my wife and stood by her, even as she tearfully admitted to herself and to me that she could never be a teacher. He hasnt worked since, he says he doesnt wanna work and gets mad at me for mentioning it one time so now I dont mention it he will apply for jobs and they will call for interviews but he wont go. He plays that until it's time for bed. It wouldnt be so bad if my husband would contribute his fair share of the house work but he spends most of his time feeling sorry for himself and playing video games. I was the breadwinner since husband hasnt held down a job in the 4 years we have been together. Eventually, that fell apart. All the stories hit me to the core. He pretends yo be kind and says he just will do whatever I say and then less than a week later he is back to his old self again. More than anything, I am so so so tired. Are you willing to pay for childcare? A few years ago we had our first baby, which was (and remains) the most wonderful person in our lives. A recent study by Review of Economics of the Household shows what women already . My boyfriend cant handle it hes ready to break up.hes tired of being broke. You should probably have a read of this: Why does he do that? I have debt coming out of my ears from trying to keep up and supporting my family from one salary income. I feel ya. My girlfriend and i have been together for 3 years now. Divorce is not the goal. And in many cases, its on top of their day-to-day responsibilities at work. Its hard and we have children not an easy answer. Copyright Townhall.com/Salem Media. We love each other and want to get married, but my husband didnt want to complete the divorce. It's annoying when your husband won't do things that you can't do yourself (or simply don't have time to, because you're already doing so much!) My children use to love him but cant stand the sight of him now. Yesterday she said she was meant to have an interview, but apparently the prospective employer didnt call her. I was good student in school but after that due to my hearing problems i was unable to make a good out put in my 10th and 12th i found many difficulties in my path i have never given up. I have no friends where I am and even started volunteering to build homes for Habitat for humanity in my free time to stay busy in the field, gain experience and make connections. I suggested a few alternatives for him (back to school for a teaching degree and be a teacher, relocating to other cities with better job markets etc) but he just looked at you in silence, and then back to his old self. U can not hope to choose way A to reach destination B. Ie. Youre just starting out good and you alright have a bum trying to weigh you down with his problems. I think my resentments come from all the responsibility on my shoulders, while he can just surf the web during the day and spend time on his photography hobby. Attitude can have a lot to do with it as well. My hubby needs a new pair of shoes- his are 4 year old, but they are special shoes due to a foot issue and cost over $150, so those cant be replaced until he finds a job. Or possibly same sex lesbian couples. I was even willing to work at a gentlemens club as a hostess (they usually take any young female with a pretty face), but as I passed the idea to my boyfriend he was not happy. He refuses to look for a job coz he says he believes in what he does and all he needs is my support. It is lonely and very isolating and sole destroying. Before that, our financial contributions to our regular expenses were roughly equal, with me covering slightly more as my income is more consistent.